Pessimistic

I hate it. I can't seem to get it. I'm always forgotten what i'd promised and start it over again. I'm reckless. I'm losing it all the time. Am i still not ready for it? But i love her. Love her more than Nani. Maybe i assume that she might be like Nani. I'm thinking negatively of her. I've caused her to be depressed. I've caused her emotional pain. Am i a loser in life? Why am i being this way? Why must i be the thinker? Why can't i just be the listener instead? Why must i think something negative? I'm just a pessimist. It's not going to help if be this way. I don't want to lose her. I REALLY NEED HELP! I think i need to see a psychiatrist. I need help. This negativity is going to affect my personal relationship. I want to be positive, have a positive outlook in life. The "whys" is really the cause of the problems i am facing. Must think POSITIVE! Can someone tell me how to psyche myself to be able to feel positive? Does anyone knows where to get psychiatric help? I really think i need it bad. I'm jeopardizing my relationship because of my negativity. Please anyone can help me to look for a professional help.


*i didn't want to hurt you emotionally, nor cause you to have depression. I don't have that intention. i really love you. i care for you and i'm concern about your well-being and safety. maybe i'm just this way. i will try again. i will try. i don't want to lose you.*

I realised something....

Yesterday as i was chatting with a friend, she told me something that i should have done and should not have done. And i realised that i'm blogging my problems with my girlfriend is not a good idea after all. all this will lead to the fact that my friends will see only her bad side instead and may not like her if we made through our relationship. I guess i am wrong. I hope this entry will made my friends realised that i've made a huge mistake on my part. I should not have written what i have written. I should be in control and clear the problems with her instead. And the person who gave me this advice was much younger than me and what she told me is true. I regretted it. I love my girlfriend very much. And i should be lucky that guys give her attention. Because that means that i'm the one with a hot chick and not them. I was being to negative about things.

Last Saturday i was upset with the comments that was posted to her picture. She called me why i was being cold towards her. But her tone of voice was not like her usual. She was speaking to me in a nicer tone which i never hear her said that to me before. That made me calm. She said no matter what those comments are in the end i'm still with her. She loved me for who i am inside. She don't care about how i look like. She just love me. That tone and how she speak to me made me realised that she does want this relationship to work out no matter what. And i have to give her time to let her be comfortable enough to tell me where she work and where she stays because of her past traumatic relationship, she have this phobia. I will give her time and be patient.

I've realised all this mistakes. And to whoever read this entry, please don't judge her because of what i've been telling you. I should not have done that. I was wrong. I was foolish. It should be settle among US. US as in me and her. Every relationship there's always this problem. So as of now i'm wiser enough to do otherwise...........................Cheers!