Pessimistic

I hate it. I can't seem to get it. I'm always forgotten what i'd promised and start it over again. I'm reckless. I'm losing it all the time. Am i still not ready for it? But i love her. Love her more than Nani. Maybe i assume that she might be like Nani. I'm thinking negatively of her. I've caused her to be depressed. I've caused her emotional pain. Am i a loser in life? Why am i being this way? Why must i be the thinker? Why can't i just be the listener instead? Why must i think something negative? I'm just a pessimist. It's not going to help if be this way. I don't want to lose her. I REALLY NEED HELP! I think i need to see a psychiatrist. I need help. This negativity is going to affect my personal relationship. I want to be positive, have a positive outlook in life. The "whys" is really the cause of the problems i am facing. Must think POSITIVE! Can someone tell me how to psyche myself to be able to feel positive? Does anyone knows where to get psychiatric help? I really think i need it bad. I'm jeopardizing my relationship because of my negativity. Please anyone can help me to look for a professional help.


*i didn't want to hurt you emotionally, nor cause you to have depression. I don't have that intention. i really love you. i care for you and i'm concern about your well-being and safety. maybe i'm just this way. i will try again. i will try. i don't want to lose you.*