I hate myself, of what i have become

There are times i wished i hadn't said some things, there are time i wished i never did some things. These are the things that have hurt my loved ones and friends. I somehow wished i can somehow control what i want to say like while you are smsing or chatting with someone on the internet. I have the tendency to shoot my mouth first. I've tried my best but i think it is not the best that i have done. I sometimes forgotten about the advice i get from the people around and ended up doing the same thing. I guess it might be coming from my genes. My father's. Its all because i hate the person he is and really don't want to be like him but yet i am turning out to be like him although not all of it but i did have some of his characteristics. And i have the tendency to assume something negative before anything happens. Although sometimes it did came true i guess it was purely coincidental. I think i'm suffering from a lack of self-confidence and also and inferiority complex. I guess i need help. It affects my relatonship with people around me. I just need help in this area.
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She's different from the other girls i've had a relationship with. Although looks she's 100 per cent more better looking than all of them, she somehow quite a humble person. And she looks wild in her appearence, there's a sense of caring and a unique kind of personality that made me more attracted to her. I think she is really serious about "us" She's a loving person. How i wished i have met her in my earlier life instead. She had a lot of things going on for her. She's talented, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous....... Words just can't describe what am feeling right now. I truly misses her. And i know she does have that same feelings too. Sometimes while i was thinking about her, she can just suddenly message meon my mobile or called me up. Sort of a telepathic connection. I have never had a girl who really cares much about me before. Usually it's just a one-way street. So when i have some who did, it is just overwhelming. I really appreciate her very much. I guess things does happen for a reason. I'm going to be a better person than i am now for myself and others around, but also for the person that i am in love with right now. I am being emotional now typing this but it doesn't matter. My heart has been captured by someone who is intelligent, gorgeous and talented individual. She is the epitome of my dreams, my figment of imagination. And i vow to be a better man than i am now. I want to be there for her, during sickness and in health. Till death do us part.

*Mahal kita, Nasha*