Choices, hopes and wish

In life there are choices to be made, there something that you hope for and things that you wish that will be better for you. Everyone experience that during their lifetime......
Right now in this point of time for me, there are choices to be made, hoping for better future and wishing that something will happen by what that i hoped for.
Work as it turns out is getting more better although i've been feeling lethargic sometimes, and the partners in my store are somewhat very cliquey nowadays and its difficyult to find common ground although we are being professional. And i've been having mood swings lately and it has affected my work somehow. I'm just pissed at how the partners are having the so-called "heck care" attitude towards working sometimes. I've been telling them repeatedly, giving them feedbacks in general but still they do it. I don't know what is going on, is it that they are complacent that they are now consider competent? I'm not too sure myself........ or maybe i needed a new environment? (which i was asked to consider by my store manager and which i declined and willing to take up the challenge of getting my partners to support me in my efforts to be a district coffee master).

Some task that i needed to make/do is not being done right now except for a few certain things. I need to do a coffee seminar with customers and i still have not receive any replies for one of the resources.........

Well life is like this, either they made you feel better or make you feel shitty about it............

It just sucks.......

Tactless and rashful act .....

I hate myself. I hate myself for being me, for being who i am. I hate the fact that i am born to this world.

I've told her about my feelings without being rational, i just shoot out my feelings straight to her with me saying we should just be strangers instead of friends 'coz i can't take the fact if we ever went out that i might feel the awkwardness. Why i am so stupid?!!! Why can't i just be normal for a bit?

What should i do? I know i have committed some great "sin" to even said that. It seems like i'm forcing her to like me which she can't......... I should have just be compose about the situation, but i didn't........

All this is just another life lesson for me......I know i can't force it.... Fuck i'm just a sore person, all i have is just myself....
Maybe i'm just being heartless... Or maybe i think using my heart more than my head....

Dammit i'm just a stupid, sore, dumb, asshole, fool, nuts jerk!!!!!

A date finally, but.........

Finally went on a date after so long. Was late for it, due to my espresso excellence class. I asked myself to be excused early instead.

The date, was someone i got to know from an online chat. We've had some conversations on the phone and i thought we really hit it off. So asked her out for a date today.

Everything went wrong from the beginning. I was late. But i met her for the 2nd time (1st was being on Friday evening while i was working). Although she's chubby i kind of like her ( talked on the phone the night before after my work) I told her that i liked her, then she also told me that also sort of feel the same way. (although she really not sure)

Went on the date, held her hands, her soft smooth hands, her scent caught my attention (she's chubby, but kind of cute) Felt her close to me but somehow when we went home she said she don't feel a thing. I'm kind of feel a lil disheartened. (actually not little more ) Then i decided let's talk. (she's having a not sure of what she is feeling but i don't want to force her to love me coz we just met) We talked and i was opening up my true feelings about her and told her that it's a decision she have to make. Then she said she wanted to go and i told her i may not going to call or leave a message tonight so to let her think about her decision.

Waited for her to hail the cab then i walked off saying good night to her. Walked away, few minutes later she smsed me and said that she wanted to just be friends........
Well maybe just my luck, or i am just cursed to be not be in love anymore.........

Whatever it is that experience, will always be a memory, her scent, her touch, her smile..........