thks fr th mmrs

i never realised that loving someone will hurt you more. when that person you loved the most hurt you deep and still want to destroy your life....... maybe i'm luckless. i can't find happiness that can last...... thanks for the hurt. what you hurt me inside, but now top it all up you have to also hurt the surface. thanks a lot.........

why must you of all people hurt me?

never without a doubt i love you with all my heart
to cherish all the time that we shared
the simplest to me means everything
keeps me going when i have surrendered to fate
but why must you destroy the dream?
all i can say it is my fault knowing you in the first place
should have not even bother to meet you on that very first date
should have stood you up instead
all these ill-feelings won't even occur
sigh i thought you won't hurt me like how she did to me
but alas! you hurt me more than what she did to me
karma will come knocking at your door
asking for the debt that you have owed
and in return she will give the medicine for you
to last you till your final days................

why does happiness for me last for a short period? why can't it last forever? all the dreams just flashed by, leaving me to cope with the loss by myself just like the past. i was hoping this happiness will last, i'll be waiting if you change your mind. my love for you just can't be expressed like you expected it. 2 days have gone and i'm still crying thinking about what had happened. i'm feeling so lost without you. to think that i want to my life with you. you think i'm useless. you think your advice has gone to deaf ears. i want to change, but you didn't gave me the chance to prove. all you think that i'm just full of words, but no actions. it is sad that you keep thinking that way, always misunderstood my real intentions or actions. i'm still having hopes for us. i will work with you professionally and one i want to be spending the rest of my life with you........

Life so far.....

Just got finished my reservist last Saturday and i'm glad it is all over. Life's never been rosy for me lately. I've had to take shit at workplace from a particular manager and then when i went for my reservist, i've had to take shit from my MTO and MTSGT. How i wished that it would be better? Luckily for me i have 2 best buddies in my MTline. Three of us are quite close and we trust amongst us only. There seems to be much politics going on, people keeping grudges etc. Have had enough of politics that's going on in the world today, especially "Malay Politics" I shall not explain further what does that mean but if you are smart enough you will know what i meant.

Something happened during my in-camp. Some experience which i would rather tell it personally, something very unforgettable kind of experience ........

Anyway, i'm just hoping that life will turn out better for me in the next few weeks. One thing i'm currently hoping for is my promotion that is due a long time ago. That would be something special for me to celebrate. And one more thing is that, i hope to find love. That would be the icing on the cake. Most of my friends are getting married, and i have one next week. Everytime the invitation was given to me, they will write as "xxxx & partner". (sigh) I actually dread it. But next week's wedding is one of those friends that i've been close to, a very close knit friend. And wouldn't want to miss the occasion.

I guess that's about it for now. Till then......... May the force be with you, always

P/S: My condolences goes out to the family of Lo Hwei Yen, the victim of the current terrorist attack in Mumbai, India.

The phoenix rising......

Been awhile since i last blogged. Have grown older. 27 years old now. Seeing my friends getting hitched makes me wonder when is my turn. Sometimes i wish things will be easier for me in future but i guess its not.

I've transferred to a new store in The Centrepoint. My time was suppose to be short but i was given a choice to stay. After long pondering i decided i want to stay. I see new opportunities, new people to work with and new challengers to explore. Hope this will give a better prospects in the near future.

Met some girl off from a chatroom. Kept in touch. But somehow, there too many things different from us. She wants to be my girl but i just can't accept that she does certain things which i disagree to. Contemplating about my options with her though. Should i or should i not. Asked my friend's views and he said just go ahead but at the mean time be open to other possibilities. I can try doing that but i'm the sort of a guy that get emotionally attach to someone if i suddenly like them. What should i do?..........

Till next time.............

P/S: I really want someone to love me and i love that person in return. I longed for that missing woman touch in my life.. Wished the past had not occur, i might still be a little less depressed now.....

Choices, hopes and wish

In life there are choices to be made, there something that you hope for and things that you wish that will be better for you. Everyone experience that during their lifetime......
Right now in this point of time for me, there are choices to be made, hoping for better future and wishing that something will happen by what that i hoped for.
Work as it turns out is getting more better although i've been feeling lethargic sometimes, and the partners in my store are somewhat very cliquey nowadays and its difficyult to find common ground although we are being professional. And i've been having mood swings lately and it has affected my work somehow. I'm just pissed at how the partners are having the so-called "heck care" attitude towards working sometimes. I've been telling them repeatedly, giving them feedbacks in general but still they do it. I don't know what is going on, is it that they are complacent that they are now consider competent? I'm not too sure myself........ or maybe i needed a new environment? (which i was asked to consider by my store manager and which i declined and willing to take up the challenge of getting my partners to support me in my efforts to be a district coffee master).

Some task that i needed to make/do is not being done right now except for a few certain things. I need to do a coffee seminar with customers and i still have not receive any replies for one of the resources.........

Well life is like this, either they made you feel better or make you feel shitty about it............

It just sucks.......

Tactless and rashful act .....

I hate myself. I hate myself for being me, for being who i am. I hate the fact that i am born to this world.

I've told her about my feelings without being rational, i just shoot out my feelings straight to her with me saying we should just be strangers instead of friends 'coz i can't take the fact if we ever went out that i might feel the awkwardness. Why i am so stupid?!!! Why can't i just be normal for a bit?

What should i do? I know i have committed some great "sin" to even said that. It seems like i'm forcing her to like me which she can't......... I should have just be compose about the situation, but i didn't........

All this is just another life lesson for me......I know i can't force it.... Fuck i'm just a sore person, all i have is just myself....
Maybe i'm just being heartless... Or maybe i think using my heart more than my head....

Dammit i'm just a stupid, sore, dumb, asshole, fool, nuts jerk!!!!!

A date finally, but.........

Finally went on a date after so long. Was late for it, due to my espresso excellence class. I asked myself to be excused early instead.

The date, was someone i got to know from an online chat. We've had some conversations on the phone and i thought we really hit it off. So asked her out for a date today.

Everything went wrong from the beginning. I was late. But i met her for the 2nd time (1st was being on Friday evening while i was working). Although she's chubby i kind of like her ( talked on the phone the night before after my work) I told her that i liked her, then she also told me that also sort of feel the same way. (although she really not sure)

Went on the date, held her hands, her soft smooth hands, her scent caught my attention (she's chubby, but kind of cute) Felt her close to me but somehow when we went home she said she don't feel a thing. I'm kind of feel a lil disheartened. (actually not little more ) Then i decided let's talk. (she's having a not sure of what she is feeling but i don't want to force her to love me coz we just met) We talked and i was opening up my true feelings about her and told her that it's a decision she have to make. Then she said she wanted to go and i told her i may not going to call or leave a message tonight so to let her think about her decision.

Waited for her to hail the cab then i walked off saying good night to her. Walked away, few minutes later she smsed me and said that she wanted to just be friends........
Well maybe just my luck, or i am just cursed to be not be in love anymore.........

Whatever it is that experience, will always be a memory, her scent, her touch, her smile..........