3 months of probation

Well i was told if 3 months i'm not be able to remember recipes or meet the expectations, i'll be shown the door out. Having know this i don't want it to happen. But the problem is i'm really lagging behind time in my store training. I just started doing blended beverages and beverage calling yesterday. I don't know how i did but i think i'm still struggling to cope. Expectations are much higher for a full-timer. I do want to ask questions, but the thing is i feel awkward at times. Especially i'm the full-timer and most of the staffs are part-timers. Most of the part-timers are much, much younger than me. I just hope i finish the modules and the training and then pull up my socks and try to remember beverages, name calling, the service steps etc. Oh how i wished that the training would deal in classrooms as much as in-store. I feel pressured to meet the expectations but yet i'm trying my very best to cope with it all. I know i should set examples, but how am i to do that is a big question. Sometimes i just hate myself about why i just can't do such simple task, or remembering such simple jobs. Is my brain getting too weak to absorb all these informations? I even feel like breaking down at times, seeing how i try to cope with all these. If i have a choice i just cry and tell my manager that i'm trying really hard to achieve his expectations, the company expectations. But if i do that, most probably i'll just lose respect of the other part-time partners. They will see me as a weak, young man. A chicken who backs out of his troubles and rather let it just go away. But i know i'm not that such person. Although i might cry, i have the will to soldier on. The thing is you just have to trust me, be patient with me and sometimes i do keep things to myself or be just hide in a corner, try at least approach me. I'm just an introvert person although sometimes i can be seen as an extroverted.

Today, i did one of the 5 Be's. I was Be Genuine. Or maybe it was just not 1 Be but more than one. I was bussing today and i did strike a conversation with one of the customers. Although i think none of my colleagues saw that but i consider that as my own personal achievement. I'm quite shy to just approach a total stranger and initiate conversation with them. But i did that yesterday. She was with 2 friends, a guy and a girl. She's a tourist who is visiting her relative in Singapore. And they are from Belgium. So although sometimes i lack something, i did make it up on the other aspects. Yes i admit i'm lagging back, am slow, am too quite, am not outspoken. But i have ideas. Well maybe that's why i got the job in the first place. And to my sore luck i've been given to a high volume, high profit store instead.

Oh please i beg you people. I am pushing myself to meet your expectations. Although i do make careless mistakes, that's what i am. But i'm trying to improve myself here too. I've taken steps to overcome short term memory loss by even copying the damn recipes in to a small notebook so as i can bring it to the floor when i'm working in case i forget the recipe. Why is there double standards for part-timers and full-timers? Why is it because you pay me a thousand plus that makes me different from the part-timers? Oh fuck it! Life is just as it is anyway. Although you may think i'm complaining, but yet i am contented with this job. I like the thing about this job is that it is fun, and i get to meet new people. So please lower your expectations on me a bit. And i won't let you all down........