Holding to the feelings

As i thought she might be the one, there's always someone to destroy the faith. As i gathered my courage, fate somehow has other things in mind. I don't ever want to lose her again the second time. I am feeling jealousy inside me. Why jealousy befriend me at this kind of hour? All i want is happiness to be with me. Not sourness of the pain. Shall i just hold to these feelings? Or just let it out? The sorrow is accompanying me on this journey, with jealousy in tow. Is this just my test? Or just fated for me? To be alone for a lifetime? I believe in hope, but hope has let me down before. Who shall i believe? Now paranoia succumbs me. I'm suffocating from it. How shall i ever live normally for now, because once again all these. Why am i having these feelings? Is it a test for me? Heart pains to know that someone is out there to ruin my happiness. Why must it happen to me everytime i savour some light from all the darkness that i've been through? Why does this run in a pattern? All the whys that i've asked myself can't be answered and neither can be explained. Have to live through this all over again.